Letter 460: Salvation
About an hour after my cousin changed his status from "Married" to "Single" on Facebook, my mother sent me an MSN message asking if I knew of his circumstances ie whether he was, in fact, separated from his wife. From the crumbs of messages that I've been fed every now and then over the last 6 months, it had seemed that my cousin was having some relationship difficulties. So when he announced that he was "Single", we wondered if that was true.
My mother hates seeing families breakup, especially when kids are involved. A friend of hers had confided that she was hesitant about commitment after going through her parents' divorce. But who is to say that a person wouldn't be a commitment-phobe if he or she didn't hail from a broken family? No doubt, family breakups can be nasty, but on the flipside, if things don't work out, why bother staying in the sticky situation which is only going to make things worse? Who says families aren't allowed to crumble? Why does everything have to have a happy ending? What's the point of clinging on to hope when there is none?
The problem with Asian families is that we tend to be a cohesive unit without much communication. Stereotypically, Asians generally don't talk about emotions, nor express them explicitly. We don't discuss relationships and love-- we keep these matters private. We don't announce that we're seeing someone-- we let our parents discover the news on their own accord and intuition. And we certainly don't talk about breakups and how much it hurts-- until the hurt becomes too painful to bear. We value family more than anything else, yet ironically, we seldom let on to family members what we think, what we feel. So most often than not, there is a lot of assumption going on. Like assuming my cousin's separated (for all we know, it could be a joke on Facebook), or assuming that he was happy in his relationship, seeing that my cousin is a father to 2 gorgeous toddlers. But is he? Has anyone even asked how he's felt in his relationship? Of course, even if someone had done that, there is a chance he might not open up. But, assuming that he's happier being free, I am standing firmly by my cousin no matter what his decision is-- even if it is a selfish one.
Technorati Tags: life, love, loss, relationships, family, asian values, rants, happiness, thoughts, opinions, musings
My mother hates seeing families breakup, especially when kids are involved. A friend of hers had confided that she was hesitant about commitment after going through her parents' divorce. But who is to say that a person wouldn't be a commitment-phobe if he or she didn't hail from a broken family? No doubt, family breakups can be nasty, but on the flipside, if things don't work out, why bother staying in the sticky situation which is only going to make things worse? Who says families aren't allowed to crumble? Why does everything have to have a happy ending? What's the point of clinging on to hope when there is none?
The problem with Asian families is that we tend to be a cohesive unit without much communication. Stereotypically, Asians generally don't talk about emotions, nor express them explicitly. We don't discuss relationships and love-- we keep these matters private. We don't announce that we're seeing someone-- we let our parents discover the news on their own accord and intuition. And we certainly don't talk about breakups and how much it hurts-- until the hurt becomes too painful to bear. We value family more than anything else, yet ironically, we seldom let on to family members what we think, what we feel. So most often than not, there is a lot of assumption going on. Like assuming my cousin's separated (for all we know, it could be a joke on Facebook), or assuming that he was happy in his relationship, seeing that my cousin is a father to 2 gorgeous toddlers. But is he? Has anyone even asked how he's felt in his relationship? Of course, even if someone had done that, there is a chance he might not open up. But, assuming that he's happier being free, I am standing firmly by my cousin no matter what his decision is-- even if it is a selfish one.
Technorati Tags: life, love, loss, relationships, family, asian values, rants, happiness, thoughts, opinions, musings
