Letter 540: On Malaysian Drivers

33 kilometers to Kuala Lumpur, and suddenly, without an inch of warning, we're caught in the middle of a ferocious downpour, a tropical nuance punctuated by thunderous claps of lightning as we crawl through the slow-moving traffic heading back south.

Right now, at this very moment that the heavens have launched a tempestuous attack on us, another Perodua cuts in from the left lane without giving a courtesy signal and proceeds to inch its way to the fast lane without indicating its wishes with a right-turn signal. I unleash yet another pearly string of curses in all foreign tongues possible, and realise I'm soon running out of profanities to curse the entire population of reckless, impolite, individualistic Malaysian drivers to Pluto and beyond. If there were a trail of breadcrumbs left behind for every swear word I uttered as we drove from Kampar to Kuala Lumpur, I could feed the entire African nation already.

I've only been back to Malaysia less than a week, and already, I am feeling so confrontational. The weather might have had a part in fueling my angst (I felt like a steamed bun the moment I stepped out of KLIA-- hot, stuffy, and sticky), but in all honesty, Malaysian drivers are getting worse. No one uses indicator lights any more, and you know why? Because the moment you signal your intention to change lanes, the cars behind don't slow down and give way; rather, they speed up. So since every one does that, why should you give signal? Just cut into the next lane lah!

Then there are drivers who can't make up their minds which lanes they want to stick to, so they drive in between lanes. What do you do as the driver behind these indecisive people? You slow down, right? Because you don't know if they would suddenly intrude upon your lane. And what happens when you try to be careful by slowing down? The car behind you honks at you madly. Why so impatient huh?? If you're in a hurry to get to the next life, use the fast lane lah, stupid!

When I came back to KL 2 years ago, people were warning me about the Mat Rempits. I don't know if they're still as rampant as before, but from my observations on the road, motorcyclists seem to be given the right to drive in whichever direction they wish to-- even if it's against the flow of traffic on a busy highway. I was driving towards Kepong on the LDP, and this kamikaze biker was on my left, heading towards 1-U like there was no tomorrow. Eh, brother, shouldn't you be driving on the other side of the highway??

When I was 17 and learning to drive, "Jalan Sehala" meant a one-way street. Apparently not anymore. Cars can drive through from either direction as long as there is no oncoming traffic. It shits the hell out of me because who would expect a car coming towards you as you turn in to a one-way street? See how inconsiderate and senseless Malaysian drivers are? Have we become a moronic nation of numbnuts who fail to see the danger such an action poses to the self and to others? Why do Malaysians care only about themselves and not other people? Many generations ago we were a collective society, but now, it seems not only we are segregated by racial politics, but also by our lack of civility. "Salam Satu Malaysia" my ass. (What does that phrase even mean?? I'm sorry but I fail to see the significance of this pointless greeting.) Don't get me started on triple parking, cars that park in between 2 parking lots, and drivers who think their cars are small enough to be parked at T-junctions, conveniently obstructing the view of other drivers coming on to the junction.

There is a thick air of anarchy on the roads as I've come to realise in the short span of time since I've been back. No one obeys the red lights anymore. It used to be that people would speed up to beat the red lights, but now, the trend is that as long as there's no traffic, drivers couldn't care less if the lights are still red-- they just go. Highways have long been regarded as practice circuits for Fernando Alonso- wannabes since a few years ago, and I doubt the situation will improve. Just look at the frequency of tailgating experiences and the reckless retards zig-zagging in between lanes, and one will know that it's not surprising road fatalities are soaring to critical levels. But hey, do the statistics deter us? Do they scare us? No way! We're Malaysians! Malaysia boleh! If we aren't already in the Guinness World Records for having the most fatalities on the road, and for having the most number of suicidal (and homicidal) drivers, and for being the most inconsiderate nation, we should be. Don't you agree?