I have a headache. I don't normally suffer from headaches, but these days, all I could feel is the pounding sensation that my headache-prone patients never fail to describe to me: band-like, tightening, squeezing headache, like your brain's about to explode.
I sleep too much. I sleep too little. I eat excessively. I don't eat at all. I am a wanton do-it-all. I am too weary to care. This is how I am living my life at the moment-- to points of extreme. I don't even know how to write truthfully and coherently these days. If I could expel an ounce of honesty on this page, I would. I tried writing a cover letter the other day and found myself struggling to construct the next sentence after every full stop.
Maybe I have been inflicted with some sort of fatigue, but I don't think I am unhappy. Or sad. In fact, many of my friends have said I look remarkable happy: on Facebook messenger, over dinner, over Whatsapp, and over inconsequential meetings of felicitous liaisons. I couldn't have agreed more. I am in a place where I am doing what I love. Spain won the Euro 2012 (massive yay!). So why the ineffable exhaustion? Why the headaches that are pounding like the rain against my window pane? I am a doctor, yet I don't know my own afflictions.
4 comments:
you need a holiday, that's what you need! ;) xoxo.
i know. the fact that i've been looking at pictures of beaches serve to remind me more. booo!!
doctors are the worst patients. but sounds like a tension headache, doc! so, yes a holiday, a dance in the rain, a dance in the dark, or any other tension killer is my script!
kendra: i agree- docs are the worst pts! i'm kinda in denial mode too- it's not a tension headache, it's not a tension headache, it's not a tension headache, la la la... but i really like ur prescription of a holiday! :)
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