So here I am, every Saturday morning without fail, queueing up for my usual coffee at my usual neighbourhood bakery, eyeing the colourful display of macarons behind the counter with the same burning question that I never seem to have the answer to: Which ones shall I pick today?
Like Balenciaga bags, the macarons come in so many different colours. Some with the added splatter of glitter on them, others have two different colours on each side of the luscious filling. But I never end up ordering the macarons, just like how I never end up having a Balenciaga bag, purely for the sole reason that there were too many colours to choose from, and I never knew which one to pick. When it was my turn to order, I'd ramble a few things off the menu and hand my cash over to the ever-smiling waitress. In the intense pressure of a crowded store with the snaking queue behind me, I'd start to drown in a torrent of rushed decisions and false moves, with nothing to look forward to but the inevitable dissatisfaction with the choices I've made, like today's: a cheese and chive scone, and a date and almond scone. I don't even like scones in the first place.
It occurs to me that this act of indecisiveness has always been a metaphor for my life. Whether it's because I've been privileged enough to be brought up in a world where options are abundant, and I am far too analytical of the many possible outcomes for each choice that I make, that I take such long cognitive journeys to come to my conclusion, or whether it's because I simply don't know how to make decisions. Put it another way, the problem wasn't with the macarons, or the Balenciaga bags. The problem was me making decisions.
Why is it so hard to make decisions? Because we're scared to face an undesirable outcome with our selections? Our life is simply dictated by the choices we make, but what if there was only one choice and all the others were wrong? And all the choices would then lead to this very moment-- the moment that finds me sitting here, sans macaron but still stewing in my own brew of insecurities, agonising over A, B, C, D and E on a past year exam paper, and wondering if I should stick to my first circled option, or if I should rub it out and change my answer.
God, I fucking hate Multiple Choice Questions.
**This post is dedicated to my study buddies who have made the last 6 months intense as hell, but without whom I would never be this motivated to study for this Saturday's exams-- so good luck y'all!
**This post is dedicated to my study buddies who have made the last 6 months intense as hell, but without whom I would never be this motivated to study for this Saturday's exams-- so good luck y'all!
4 comments:
Good luck in your exam!! You'll do great!!
p.s. You should get the macarons the next time you go there! Go with what your heart tells you- in life, and in choosing macarons. :P
if i went with what my heart tells me, i'd be financially devastated long ago! :P but thanks- i need all the luck i can get!
Good luck! MCQs are a lot simpler than many things in life, including, as you rightly pointed out, picking a Balenciaga in the right color :)
thanks fibrate! with MCQs tho, you have only ONE single best answer, whereas with balenciaga bags, who's to say you can't have more than one if you're spoiled for choice? (financially permitting, of course) :P
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