Sunday, January 05, 2014

Letter 685: With Kindness

Tomorrow, I go back to work in the new year after having had 12 glorious days off in which I did a bit of studying at the start but after that, mainly indulged in literature and leisure. It was a much-needed break spent without knowledge of dates and times. I woke up when my body was ready to function for the day, and slept when my brain powered off. I had Ben and Jerry's for lunch, drank coffee and chai after dinner, walked around the Melbourne CBD until my feet hurt, shared an Oreo sundae with The Other Half that was laced with the most maddening amount of whipped cream imaginable because what the hell I deserved it, and then drowned a strawberry mocktail in place of a margarita for new year's eve, just because.

At the cusp of 2013/14, I had so many thoughts I wanted to pen down. The transition to the new year is invariably a time of reflection and much inspiration. It was probably the reason I had a blog entry at the end of every year since 2007: 2007 was a time of celebration with newfound friends; 2008 was a joyous summer in which my graduation from medical school took place; in 2009 I started becoming pensive and apprehensive about my future; 2010 was tinged with a hint of sadness and a sprinkle of hope; 2011 was that sense of adventure that I wanted; and in 2012 I reflected on the year with an ounce of amazement and a deeper appreciation for kindness.

So where does 2013 fit in? 

In all honesty, I think I have been too immersed in work to appreciate what the year has given me. Certainly, the year had unfolded inconceivably in many ways, and there had been a few eye-opening discoveries of the Self and of Others. But the most essential discovery I have made is this: That I need to be kinder to myself. I have learnt to love myself, but maybe that's not enough. Maybe I need to be kind enough to love myself even more. Writing that last sentence doesn't make much sense, yet it also made perfect sense. I love me, yet I don't treat myself kindly. I push myself to the limits, both physically and mentally, thinking I'd be ok since that's how I've always operated. I guess there comes a time when your Self has had enough. So perhaps it's time to treat yourself the way you've always treated others: with grace, and with kindness. 


taleanski said...

Happy new year darling! Yes, do treat yourself kinder. And never stop writing. ;) Lots of love, from me.

p.s. if you're coming back anytime let me know! Miss hanging out with you, as always.

p.p.s. your break sounds like fun! glad you rested well! happy first day of work tomorrow. me too, am back to the routine, only this time crazier & busier.

Atien Dyana said...

hope you are going better and well.. :) miss u dr cute!!

Jun said...

taleanski: happy new year to you too! i just might be coming back soon, perhaps march? i'll let you know, mos def!

dyana: hello my dear! i've missed you too! and your emails! how have you been? hope you have a blessed year ahead!

kokokai.northshore said...

Ya 2013 have been pretty intense. Just like the traffic flow in the ER or operating theatre are not going to stop, economic challenges in Aussie are not going to fizzle out too soon. But I guess it is ok because this is what we are trained for. We found the opportunities in our chosen field.

Never be unkind. Love yourself more. So that people find that you are worth it and want to love you more. Share some frozen yogurt next.....All these yogurt shops are trending at the moment. Again first movers win the game. So wait no more - for the grace and kindness. And my dear Dr jun - the chances of you collapsing in the theatre is like another black swan event - unlikely to happen any time soon. I really hope so. Take good care in 2014.

Jun said...

kokokai: why HELLO!!! how have you been? haven't heard from you in a while, i hope this finds you well :) thanks for dropping by again, and yes, let this be the year we all treat ourselves kindly.